someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
