He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
