Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
