A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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