When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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