I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
