Small penises have feelings too.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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