I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
