I bet he comes in French.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
