I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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