after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
