OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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