i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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