Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
