He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
