wakey wakey hands off snakey
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
