and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
