I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
