I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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