ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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