this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
