I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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