it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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