I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
