I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
