I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
