halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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