What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
