You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
