I want you more than these girls want KFC
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
