Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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