i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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