youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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