your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
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