dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
