please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
