No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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