I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
