Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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