The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
