Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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