Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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