Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
