if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
