??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
