Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
