I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
