My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Bring me that man meat
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
