You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
