omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I wish there were birth control emojis
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
