the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
cat food counts as protein by the way
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
