Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Your topless pictures make me question reality
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
