hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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