My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
