Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
